Monthly Archives: May 2011

’30 Days of Truth’ –Day 2

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Day 2 — Something you love about yourself.

Does it have to be just one thing??? HAHA. Totally. Joking.

Kinda.

Not to sound conceited, but there are a lot of things I love about myself. But, I guess that in itself stems from the one thing I love most about myself.

My sunny disposition.

I am [almost] always smiling. And I love that. I love to smile. I love the feel of a smile. I love the power of a smile.

And I laugh at [almost] everything. Whether it be a giggle, a chuckle, or a full-blown, out-loud, raucous belly laugh. I find so many things funny because I have this enormously wide sense of humor. When people get my humor, I laugh with them laughing with me; when they don’t, I laugh at the awkwardness of the fact that I’m the only one laughing. And even still, I laugh.

That feeds into my strength. Even through the darkest moments of my life, I have still found a way to smile or laugh. True, there have been times when I’m faking it, to convince people I’m okay. And in the beginning I would feel guilty for smiling or laughing, in the middle of such a sad time. However, I’ve come to realize, there will be plenty of times where I am deeply sad and I’m crying and grieving, so I need to live for those moments when I’m not. Knowing that it is so easy for me to genuinely laugh or smile, get me through those horribly difficult times, because I know that, especially for me, there will be another smile.

It also feeds into my caring for others. Nobody wants to be the only one smiling. Sometimes, it kind of feels like I’m rubbing it in or doing something wrong if no one around me is smiling. I always feel the need to be there for people. If there is anything I can do to make someone happier or make their life any easier, that’s reason enough to do it.

The truth is, I love my sunny disposition.

What do you love about yourself? I wanna know =]

-Aleigh

 

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’30 Days of Truth’ –Day 1

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I first read about the ’30 Days of Truth’ over on Hope’s┬áblog. I’ve been trying to come up with good blog topics, so I figured this may be the best way to start it up. You can see the full list here.

And for anyone reading this, I’d love to hear your truths. If you care to share, leave me a comment

Day 1 — Something you hate about yourself.

Well, that’s a loaded question. I want to refrain from completely getting down on myself, so I’ll stay away from the materialistic things. I consider those things I want to and will change, but I don’t hate them, because as long as they are a part of me, I will own them.

There is something I truly hate about myself, though.

My anxiety.

It keeps me from doing things that I truly want to do.

Whether it be tell a guy I’m interested in him [because he may reject me], or go on the scary rollercoaster [because it could get stuck], or finally enroll myself in school [because I could pick the wrong major or flat out fail], the fear stops me.

Apparently, I get it from my dad.

Either way, I hate it.

I sit here and I go over all of the possible ways that a situation could go, and I come to terms with the possible negative outcomes. I tell myself that if it goes badly, I will survive and I will move on and I will be better for it; but then, when it comes down to it, I get this knot in my stomach and it suffocates me and it suffocates all positive outcomes, and it’s as if that one ‘no’, that one failure, will be the death of me.

But it won’t, I won’t let it. And I fight it. I fight in baby steps, but it’s a fight, nonetheless.

Still, though, it’s something that I wish I didn’t have to fight, because I wish it didn’t exist.

Or, that it was at least something not so strong and frightening.

I hate my anxiety.

So, what do you hate about yourself? Or even, what do you want to change about yourself?

-Aleigh

The B to my S.

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So I have this friend. We’ve known each other since we were kids, but only really became friends a few years ago. And when we became close, we became best friends.

And then we weren’t.

We had this big blow up of a fight and stopped talking for a bit. After a few discussions and attempts at mending fences, we became aquaintances again.

I decided, for my own sake, that I would not go out of my way to be her friend. But, circumstances have worked in our favor and we are friends again. Shortly after becoming friends again, we talked about what went wrong the first time. We had become too reliant on each other to be “Best Friends”. We were expecting too much of each other.

Just recently I realized that after everything, she is still my Best Friend. When I thought about it, I was worried that I was screwing things up again.

Now I’ve decided that the problem before wasn’t that I had dubbed her my Best Friend, but that I had these expectations of her because of it. I’ve thrown away those expectations. I no longer believe that you have to spend tons of time, every week, with your Best Friend. You don’t have to text them or talk to them, all day, every day. But, when I need her, she’s there. When she needs me, I’m there. She knows most of my secrets, and I know some, if not most, of hers. She can tell when I want her to make me feel better and when I want her to just listen and wallow with me; I try to do the same for her. We have fun together. We see the best and worst in each other and we don’t care. [Granted, we may complain about minor annoyances. But that’s normal. =P]

She knows who she is.

She is my Best Friend. And if I’m not hers, that’s okay.

She is the B to my S. [Ironic, that together, we’re BS.]

And I’m so thankful to have her.

-Aleigh